On the latest Pickle

Aug 29, 2025

It’s been quite a whirlwind lately. The more I scrape through my old journal, the more I cringe. Yet all of that was extremely valid for the time. I am through 2021 and half of 2022 which is neither enough nor have I been able to group them well. So, I’ll resort to latest first and maybe work my way down. Here are my notes to self in last 2 months:

• Feeling guilty that so many people took a bet on me and I let them down by making a series of mistakes.

• Feeling disappointed for not managing my personal and professional goals well. I have to hit these milestones 'cause they're crucial to set myself up for success in next couple of years.

• Feeling disheartened that I chose to punish myself by:

  • slacking off
  • missing deadlines
  • Inability to communicate
  • Taking fall for the problems with guilt.
    Went in this loop for almost 4-5 weeks despite knowing I have been burnt out and exhausted since May.

• To understand that this inability to fulfill promise is because of incorrect estimations. I always have to account for my body and my emotional state while doing so. Not fulfilling first and feeling guilty later 'cause “that’s how I am” is being dishonest and taking easy way out. Now it affects more people than myself. Even if it didn’t, it’s not okay to treat self like that.

• Never compromise on sleep. 6-8 hours is my range I should get that much. My REM is still broken ‘cause I wake up in the middle of the night for a couple of hours everyday. Regardless, this is one of the non-negotiable for myself. Just sleep and water are game changers for stability and mood.